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[personal profile] charloween
So. Spiderman III. It's no Batman Forever, but...

Good points:
1. JAMES FRANCO. Evil James Franco makes me giddy. Giddy James Franco melts my cynical soul. He is also very pretty. This is not a bad thing. This is a very, very good thing.
2. All of the supporting cast. Topher Grace? Fabulous. Ted Raimi? Divine. Bruce Campbell? Magnifique. Landlord dude and his daughter? Hilarious. The only time the audience was responsive to the film was when it was a scene with one of the supporting characters. The scene with J. Jonah Jameson and his secretary got the biggest laughs. Everything with Pete and M.J.? Lame.
3. VENOM WAS SO COOL. SANDMAN WAS ALSO COOL, but less bitey and snarly. Topher Grace made such a good kooky-then-freaky villain.
4. You don't actually need to have seen the other movies, because this one recaps and flashes back to the other two enough that you GET IT ALREADY.
5. Emo Peter Parker? Disturbingly attractive in a Fall Out Boy kinda way. I say this is good because pretty is good.
6. The scene with Harry and M.J. dancing in the kitchen. James♥! Franco♥!
7. Obvious CG, but well-executed CG.
8. Random Willem Defoe cameo. ♥ Willem Defoe.
9. There was a table of Spidey merchandise, and on the table was the singing/dancing Spidey doll that Krissy has. Tee-hee.
10. Did I mention James Franco? Every single scene with him was watchable. The scene in the hospital, did you notice he played it slightly loopy... as if on pain meds? Great acting there. Both Harry and Peter go through giddy highs and evil revengey I KILL PEOPLE OMG lows, and both actors get to play a huge range. James Franco does it better than the other guy. Just saying. He's just more credible. I remember reading a review that came out back with the first Spidey film that said James Franco as Harry Osborne did with that character all that Hayden Christensen tried and failed to do with Anakin in Attack of the Clones. Given even a half-assed script (and, I'm sure, inspired direction), James Franco just brings it.
11. Going to see a film like this with a group of geeky-as-all-hell friends makes it enjoyable, despite its fatal flaws (see below).

Bad points:
1. Nearly everything is a WTF moment. Almost tipping it over into the coveted "So Bad It's Good" category. Almost. Mostly it's just bad. Oh so bad. Embarrassing to watch bad. Avert your eyes to not see the bad, kind of bad.
2. Sam Raimi grabbed his huge budget, took his shambles of a nonsensical screenplay, gathered his cast, and shot whatever the fuck he wanted and then stitched it together into a movie. This would be good if any of it had any kind of cohesion.
3. Stan Lee's cameo. Holy Flying Jesus Murphy, what the hell was that?
4. THERE IS NO NEED TO HAVE SPIDERMAN POSE IN FRONT OF AN AMERICAN FLAG. IN EVERY MOVIE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, STOP.
5. The fact I felt the need to keep muttering "lame" under my breath at the movie. After nearly every scene. During nearly every scene. Except for the bits with Venom. And whenever Harry and Peter were sharing smoldering glances and feeling angst over their forbidden, passionate man-love.
6. Creepy not-Alfred butlerton man. *shudders*
7. The fact the film feels like a patchwork quilt of other films. Romantic comedy here,
8. FORGIVENESS IS GOOD okay I get it FORGIVENESS IS GOOD yes thanks I caught that the first ti-- FORGIVENESS IS GOOD ...*weeps*
9. The fact that Peter Parker spends most of the film almost-nearly crying (in close-up, no less) or emo-moping. Sigh. Dear Peter, you are not (not!) Harry Potter. The trailer for Order of the Phoenix - the trailer alone - looks about twenty-three times better than Spiderman III. Sorry, you lose. Peter Parker? More like Peter Potter.
10. HARRY'S DEAD FROM FALLING LOTS no he's alive HARRY'S DEAD FROM EXPLOSION no he's alive HARRY'S DEAD FROM STABBY well, they bury someone so I guess he might stay dead this time.
11. Everyone left the theatre quickly and silently.
12. There were more than a few scenes that might have been played for humour, but no one laughed. Who knows?
13. Baffling pacing problems. How many alternate cuts of this film exist? Why didn't we get to see one of them?
14. Bill Cosby made exactly zero appearances in the film.

So did I like it? Parts of it. There were parts that were glorious. Then there was the rest of the film. The most criminal thing about a movie like this is that the flashes of brilliance were frequent enough and sparkling enough that I know the rest of the movie could have been so much better. Now, I find Spiderman as a character cringingly tedious, and the Spiderman films are pretty darned painful to watch (except for the parts with James Franco). I'll admit to that bias, no problem. That's not to say there weren't parts of this film I quite enjoyed. There were many parts that were excellent, but they didn't flow with the rest of the film, nor was the rest of the film up to the level of the excellent supporting characters and cameos. I won't rush out to see it again. Of the $12 that it cost to get into the theatre, a good $9 of that was excusable because of James Franco.

Enough of that.

For the past few days at work I've been doing pretty serious graphic design stuff. If James Franco isn't available, I'd consider marrying Adobe's In Design software. It's a beautiful piece of programming and made these projects not only possible but also easy. Easier than fighting with Illustrator or Quark, anyway.

And today after work I got to meet [livejournal.com profile] squonk in person! We'd decided that knowing each other through lj and living in the same city (practically the same neighbourhood, no less) and not at least having a tea together was just silly. We had a good long chat and I was nearly late for Spiderman III. (Also? this is the vid I was telling you about!)

...now it's nearly 1am (just how long was that movie, anyway?) and I can barely keep my eyes open. *waves at everyone* Bed bed bed. It's been a long week full of lots of wonderful things (and a few strange things, too). Bed bed bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll sleep in until 9am. Mmm... the freedom of the weekend. AND TOMORROW WE'RE SEEING WAITRESS!

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 05:44 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
great review. although there were a lot of bad parts, not many people are emphasizing the good parts as well. for me, i think they should've split this movie up into like three different ones.

matkishimoto.blogspot.com

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
Thanks, and thanks for reading.

not many people are emphasizing the good parts as well
That's what made the rest of the movie so painful - there were lots of great moments that hinted at the brilliance that could have been had.

It did feel like two or three entire films that had been clumsily spliced together. It's a real shame, that's what it is.

essential cosby

Date: 2007-05-12 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shady-lane.livejournal.com
http://billcosbysings.ytmnd.com/
http://cosbyhendrix.ytmnd.com/
http://cosbybebop.ytmnd.com/
http://whatiscosby.ytmnd.com/
http://supercosbybros.ytmnd.com/

If you can get past the first two without stopping you're probably a better person than I.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
So very scary. I've seen the Bebop one, but I like the fourth one there the best.

I've just posted (http://naturelf.livejournal.com/218685.html) XTC's cover of "All Along the Watchtower" and a pile of other tunes.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 12:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guitarromantic.livejournal.com
Totally agree with this assessment, and I wanna add:

(bad things)

15. Peter suddenly gaining the power of, um, Jazz Piano, after becoming venom
16. Peter kissing blondie. He wouldn't have!
17. Completely unrealistic portrayal of Sandman being attached to his daughter.
18. Absolutely laughable butler guy ending his stupid speech with "I love you"
19. Harry dropping an omelette despite catching a falling vase with a millisecond's notice.

+

Date: 2007-05-12 12:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guitarromantic.livejournal.com
20. Photographer boy in church praying for Peter's death.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 04:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
I think by that point we'd stopped trying to make sense of the mess and gave ourselves over to disbelieving laughter.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
15. Of all the useless superpowers...
16. But he's a hormonal impulsive teenager! That's what obliviously hormonal impulsive teenagers in love with themselves do! DUH.
17. There has to be backstory. And FORGIVENESS.
18. I think some of us were in tears from that. Laughing and crying.
19. We were wondering exactly how much of the film was stitched together from outtakes. See also: the far too long sequence of Sexxxy Emo!Peter strutting down the street. Holy hells what was that?

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 01:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] underhand-glory.livejournal.com
I um want to see it MORE now that everyone is telling me it was terrible. I LOVE bad movies and movies that make no sense so I have to get to the theatre soon!

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
There are two reasons to see the film. Okay, three reasons if number one is Seeing A Bad BAD Movie. The other two are: 1. James Franco, and 2. Harry and Peter are OTP.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 02:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoskie.livejournal.com
[livejournal.com profile] squonk is one of the few Torontonians on my friends list that I have yet to meet in person.

If only I had been able to hang around longer... :/

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
She said she'll be heading back to the States come the fall, too. No longer a Torontonian will she be. :(

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-12 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
I know! We had a good time, (or at least, I know I did) so it's a real shame that we didn't do this sooner.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-17 04:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squonk.livejournal.com
I had an excellent time! And I am sad about leaving Toronto too. :( Also about not meeting [livejournal.com profile] hoskie yet.

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-21 03:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
We'll have to drag him up here and have a party. Just 'cause. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-17 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squonk.livejournal.com
Dude, I can't see the vid! I only get the audio... Ah, I don't have any codec packages installed on this machine, might that be why? I watch all my media on my desktop, except my desktop just died on me. :(

(no subject)

Date: 2007-05-17 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naturelf.livejournal.com
Hmmmm... the VLC media player tends to play most everything I throw at it, so that's one option.

Here (http://splitends.zftp.com/othervids.htm)'s where I found it; there's a wmv version as well.

I'm currently trying to convince my computer to download-then-upload the wmv but Ol' Compy's been absolutely moronic today.

When Compy decides to play nice with sendspace, I'll slide it along.
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